Hey friends! How was your Mother’s Day? I hope you spent it with loved ones. I know holidays can be a difficult time for some (no matter the holiday). Holidays are a time that brings up memories…sometimes good and sometimes bad. Holidays can also leave us feeling lonely. So let’s talk about it.
There have been times in my life where I felt very alone. And trust me, I was never really alone. My husband, son and all our 8 million animals have always been there physically for me. In fact, there are times when being physically alone might’ve been nice at the time. 😉 But the alone I am referring to is being mentally alone. And, we have all been there no matter your age. This could be something small and insignificant to something huge like a loss of a loved one. But let’s be honest, the small things are usually the ones that come and go the most in life. Do you ever feel guilty about it?
Fun fact! Did you know May is Mental Health Awareness Month? It’s ok, I didn’t either until recently. But how appropriate this topic came up during this month.
Is it appropriate for Christians feel lonely? Well of course it is! If you listened to Pastor Scott’s sermon yesterday, he talked about Jesus having emotions. Can you imagine how lonely Jesus felt on the cross after He was betrayed by His disciples? I mean, man. What about in the Garden of Gethsemane when He wanted his disciples with Him yet they were asleep? If you have ever felt lonely, it’s not a good feeling at all. So why does God allow it?
Why does God allow anything bad to happen? He can stop or start anything He wants. So why does this happen? Well, just like all things, we have free will. Let me tell you how my mind works on this. We are a rubber band. When something happens, our rubber band is stretched. Sometimes just a little and sometimes it’s stretched to the max. Sometimes it stretches a little and little more and little more. But there is a time when the rubber band is going to break or you have to relieve the tension. What relieves the tension? God. Yep. Just God. Seeking Him and allowing Him to work through you resets your rubber band.
I think what is important when loneliness hits you is to compartmentalize it. That way, once you know where it falls, you will know how to correct it, right?
- Situational Christian Loneliness– This is where we don’t have enough friends and/or family.This could be more of in general or maybe you moved. So how do you combat that without making friends in an unchristian-like manner? Always be proactive in making friends. Listen, years ago, I met a lady while she was working at Publix. Today, I hug her when I see her out and I keep up with her on social media. You never know who or where you are going to meet someone! And social media…it’s great and it’s not so great. It’s great because you can stay in touch. And just go to church! I can’t tell you the amount of friends I have now just because I go to church. You don’t have to get involved in everything. Just go. Trust me. These people will be your friend!
- Emotional Christian Loneliness– Honestly speaking, this is what I experience the most. This is where you DO have friends and family but you feel like they don’t love you. This sounds really dramatic as I write it but we all experience it. This can be something as simple as not being invited to a party or social event you feel like you should have been invited to. This one is hard to get around because you are in your head. It is important to remember to not set unrealistic expectations for how people love you. You need to believe they do love you. Also, envy is a terrible thing. Envy sets the stage for loneliness (one of the downsides of social media). Remember, study your own lawn. Don’t worry why their grass is so green. And just be thankful! Thank Him everyday for what you have and WHO you have.
- Social Christian Loneliness– Where are my introverts? Shocker. Y’all are in the back. These are your socially awkward people, introverts and those with low self esteem. That all sounds bad but I promise…it’s not. My husband is an introvert and we complement each other well but it was a learning curve. So for those of you that struggle in this area, make sure to renew your mind daily. Have your quiet time with God. Ask Him to help you connect with others who see you as you are.
- Spiritual Christian Loneliness– This is where you don’t feel close to God. Or maybe you feel like God let you down. Listen friends, if this is where you are, know that it’s ok. But know that relationship needs to be fixed asap. You need to work on your relationship with God. That’s the only way to get out of that loneliness. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Tell God how you feel even if it’s not pleasant! Trust me, He knows what you’re thinking anyway. You might as well say it. If you are struggling to talk to Him and you are not there yet, start a new habit of renewing your mind. This could be self driven or group driven Bible study or maybe just journaling. Write it down! Write Him letters.
I would love to tell you that my life is perfect and I never experience loneliness. I am extroverted and I seem confident. In reality, there are days that it is all a show. And it’s normally something pretty small that causes me to get that way because I am in my head. All I am saying, you are not alone. You are never alone because you have Him. He is literally a prayer away. And listen, when I’m struggling, I just start talking. He knows and He loves me for it.
Love you all (and I mean it),
Jennifer