Hey friends! I am so glad you stopped by. Today, I want to talk about validation. Where do you get your validation from? Is it ok to want people to like you? Let’s talk about it.
As I do every Monday, I think about the previous week and decide what to write about today. I was laying in bed and I opened TikTok. I follow a K-9 police officer and he’s great. He’s funny, vulnerable and just wholesome. When I opened the app, there he was giving a Monday message (oddly enough, I have never seen him give a message like this one). He said, “Stop trying to find validation in a world that crucified the perfect man.” And that really hit me. Wow. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t need earthly validation but I do. Let me give you examples: needing to be reassured, people pleasing, difficulty in making decisions alone, feeling anxious without approval, over apologizing, overachieving to gain praise, comparing yourself to others, and list could go on and on. Do you see yourself in any of those? Transparency moment..I see myself in every.single.one of these.
So the pressing question, is it wrong? As with every Motivational Monday most answers are not quite black and white. There are a lot of gray areas. So the answer is mostly yes and some no. I’ll explain.
If you look at the examples I gave above, it all boils down to being liked. Which means we naturally want to seek approval, fit a certain mold, wanting to belong and feel accepted. But if you have ever been in this place of wanting these things it’s exhausting, frustrating and a lot of times end in disappointment. It’s an emotional roller coaster. For me personally, I struggle with wanting to be the best christian I can be (which can be difficult depending on the day). I feel like I need to be an example so I see myself needing to be validated by what I am doing. I know it sounds silly but that’s just how I think. But then, I think, didn’t God make me this way?
Actually, yes. Isaiah 43:4 shows us that God designed us in a way that we yearn to belong. But here’s the thing, if we are looking for approval from others (even godly people) we will never truly feel validated. They will fail you as YOU will fail them. This is because they can’t fill our souls with what we truly need. And truth be told, it’s unfair for you to place them on a pedestal for them to give the feeling of validation.
But if he designed us in a way of wanting to be validated, how is this wrong? What does God say about it? I need receipts!
So glad you asked. Let me deliver.
When you seek validation from others, it can be swept up by emotions, compromise our beliefs, and grow frustrated because they (whoever they are) are not living up to our expectations. In Galatians 1:10, Paul points out that if we are constantly trying to please people, we are not serving Christ. We literally can’t do both. 1 Thessalonians 2:4, tells us that we have the honor of sharing the gospel. So, basically, we can’t twist what the Bible says to fit their narrative. And in Acts 5:29, Peter warns of people pleasers. Pride cannot get in the way by wanting validation from others and placing ourselves above God.
Well, how can I determine if I am seeking external validation because I thought I was doing pretty good in the department? Same friend. I thought I was good but I realize I need work.
Here’s some scripture to help you weigh your personal situation.
- Examine Intent- Galatians 6:4 reminds us to test our actions and motivations. Are you doing this for comparisons? Are you expecting or wanting an atta boy?
- Consider your response to reactions- 1 Peter 2:23 shows us that despite Jesus facing insults and suffering, he did not retaliate or seek revenge. This teaches us our self worth should not be defined by others.
- Quantity and quality of sharing- Matthew 7:6 shows us the importance of discernment in sharing aspects of lives with others. Listen, not everyone needs to know everything and that’s ok. Some people are negative. You can choose to not share certain highs and lows because it will expose you to negativity from certain people.
- Dependency on external validation- Galatians 1:10 tells us who we need to seek approval from and it’s not those here on Earth. Our focus would be on pleasing God and not people.
- Check your feelings- Philippians 4:4 tells us to find joy in relationship with God. Remember, true joy comes from within and not in people.
This week I want you to challenge you in being honest about your validation on Earth. Can you relate to these things and if so, how are some ways you change to seek validation in the Lord?
Love you all,
Jennifer
