Hey friends! June is a big month for marriages. How do I know? Well, next Saturday, Jon and I will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. I’ll be honest, some days I didn’t think 23 years would ever get here! Marriage is hard but definitely doable with Jesus (and yes! Marriage needs Jesus!) So, let’s talk about it.
In our 23 year marriage, we have had countless. Yep. I stopped there. Countless. Countless fights, annoyances, and financial hardships (I’m really selling this marriage thing aren’t I?) But, we have also had countless laughs, deep discussions, happiness, adventures, teamwork, pets 🙂, but most importantly, love. Having been married for 23 years, Jon and I have learned a thing a two and I suspect we will continue to learn a thing or two here and there. We are not experts, because the Lord knows we need help daily, but here are a few things we have learned along the way.
First, marriage is about “we” and not “me”. Listen, when we first got married, I wanted things done my way. We HAD to have certain things (that we couldn’t afford). Jon was there trying to get me to see that WE couldn’t do those things. Listen, marriage was created to embody selfless love, just as Christ poured himself out as a sacrifice (Isaiah 53:12). In a biblical marriage, God calls us to prioritize “we” over “me.” I honestly didn’t know how selfish I was until I got married.
Second, marriage is about the long haul. Nowadays, the mindset is, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we will get divorced.” No, no. You took an oath before God. The apostle Paul begins the familiar “love” passage in 1 Corinthians with the words, “Love is patient.” Patience in marriage is vital for a healthy relationship. Relationships have seasons. Some seasons are GREAT and others not so great. But we have to be patient to wait out the bad seasons. Scripture says: The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. (2 Pet. 3:8-9, Rom. 2:4).
Third, marriage is a covenant and not just a contract. Jon will playfully say, “Listen. I got papers on you!” Of course, this is just a joke but marriage is more than a piece of paper. Marriage is God’s idea. Genesis 2:24 says: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Just as God created an everlasting covenant with his people, marriage is a solemn and binding covenant between a man and a woman made before God (Eph. 5:32). We are taught to treat everyone with Christ like love. And yes, that includes your spouse. It is so easy for your spouse to be the brunt of a bad day.
Lastly, and probably most controversial, marriage is counter cultural and not conformist. I’ll explain. Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” In today’s time, many have an issue with this passage because some believe it justifies abuse. In a Christian marriage, a husband’s role requires that he love his wife enough to lay his life down for her as Christ did for the church. God calls wives to respond to that radical Christ-like love with submission. (1 Pet. 2:13, 22-25, 5:5, Eph. 5:21). Ultimately, God requires husband and wife to submit to Him.
As sassy and headstrong as I am, when Jon says stop or no, I listen. I don’t do it because I don’t want to fight. I don’t do it because I’m scared of him. I don’t do it because I am a submissive person. I do it because I trust him. I KNOW he’s looking out for me or us. When he speaks authoritatively, I listen. And to be clear, he doesn’t abuse this either. In fact, he knows me well enough to know that I am more prone to do the EXACT opposite if he gets too sassy.
Listen, my marriage is not perfect. It won’t ever be because we are two flawed people trying our hardest to be the best for God and for each other. I have learned that our marriage is not defined by our disagreements. It is not defined by a bad day or the times we thought about giving up. Our marriage is about trusting God to be the driving force. And just like everything in the world, you start at the top and it trickles down from there.
Love you all,
Jennifer
